So, what's your REAL last name?

I have entered that awkward phase in a relationship where the two of us have to decide where it's going. Is he boyfriend material? Would he make a good husband? Do I really like him enough to ignore the other guy at the bar who is so extremely handsome and, by the way, offering to buy me a drink? Did I put on this totally cute, extra low-cut dress tonight to see how many single guys would hit on me, or because my boyfriend really liked it?

Hi, my name is blank, I am 27 years old, in the middle of my second divorce, and with no kids to show for either one (unfortunately because I absolutely love kids and can't wait to be a mommy). My best friend and I went out last Friday night and she asked me, "... OK, so what is your REAL last name now?". I stopped to think for a moment because I wasn't quite sure what to say. My divorce was in process at this point, so I didn't feel like I was attached to my husband still. I really couldn't wait for the moment when I could march up to the courthouse, divorce decree in hand, and pay the $50 fine to regain my independent woman-I'm single again (YAY!)-maiden name back. Unfortunately, my LEGAL last name, I told her with disgust, was still his. Ever since then, I have started to wonder why women change their name in the first place. Why can't it be the other way around? I get that it's all about the woman giving herself to the man, and this tradition dates back centuries, but this is a new millennium. I didn't change my name with my first husband, so why the second one? I was hoping for kids and I wanted them to have the same last name as me. But, there again is another question. Why do we, as a society, look down upon married women and mothers whose last names are different than their husband's or children's? I guess because it usually means that she is unwed, unintelligent, and underage. She probably wasn't thinking about the repercussions of her actions when she decided to get pregnant with her high-school sweetheart at the age of 19. She likely didn't go to college because she was too poor or lazy, and they never got married because, like all high-school sweetheart relationships (including mine), it ended soon after.

But, what about the older, career-focused, financially stable, college educated, independent woman who gets married and has children- plays by the rules. She chooses not to change her name because nobody would know how to find Dr. Jane Doe anymore if she went by her married name, Dr. Jane Stanislavsky. She would probably get judged in the same way as her younger teen mom counterpart, but for different reasons. "Oh, it's OK since she's a doctor and all." "I wouldn't want to change my name to Stanislavsky either", her friends would comment. How about if Dr. Jane did decide to change her name, but the marriage failed and she was stuck with it for God knows how long?

When we live in a world that is ruled by how good you look in the pictures you are tagged in on Facebook, or how many "likes" you get on your status update, minor details such as a person's name suddenly become extremely important. In my first experience, I chose not to let go of my heritage and maiden name, which really angered my hubby. The second time around was different, and I couldn't wait to become one of "them" only but for the prospect of potentially having children. So, was either choice wrong? Does it matter the reasons why I did or did not change? Is it OK for us women to become someone we're not just because tradition, our families, social media, and the next-door neighbor will have something to say about it if we don't? For now at least, I plan to put the biggest inflatable tube around my maiden name once I get it back, and if we fall overboard again, I know it won't sink. Hopefully I will remember floaties for my heart as well....